By / September 15, 2014 / Uncategorized

You ask me what made me this way?
When I think about my sex addiction it leads me to believe I have a sex addiction because I was sexualy abused my whole growing up… as a child I was seen as only ONE THING…a sex object.  I wasn’t cute enough…I wasn’t dark enough…I wasn’t white enough…I wasn’t skinny enough…I wasn’t tall enough…I wasn’t smart enough but I sure could have sex! I love it I need it with my addiction it’s like giving my fat girl a piece of candy!  Anyone that knows me knows I love chocolate, dark chocolate
I think all the time for the people that want to know more about me, would they still want to kick it with me once they realize that I love sex so much that it’s an addiction for me…when I do find that one person that knows how to just throw it down give it to me the way I like it to be given, I don’t want to be shared
no I don’t want to just have casual sex with anyone…I want to put it all on one person! So to control my self  I masturbate. Don’t get me wrong I have no problem with random sex, I used to do it as a profession, I even ran an escort service and I was an escort for many years people talked about me all the time but who was there to see beond what I was doing who was there to say why is this child because I started a s a child so I learned it some where who was there NO ONE just people telling me how wrong I was No one saw I had a plroblem! I was good at it and enjoyed it! Well think about it if you have a sex attic who loves to have sex and she is going to have sex anyway why not get paid for it!

As I got older I realized I like kinky sex not just that standard submission kind of kinky sex but the porn kind of sex…I wanted to become a porn star! why not be a porn star it was my legal way to have lots of sex but where would I end up getting worn out or worse get AIDS at 300 plus pounds? NO I Don’t Think So… by the way I finely realized I was hiding behind myself. I had all the sexual frustration and I still could never be satisfied…what was I ever going to do? I had to talk myself over and over and over again what was wrong with me why couldn’t this satisfy me, was it because I didn’t know who I was anymore  or was it because I was hiding behind this fat shell of misery and being too scared of coming out as my own sexual being?
I woke up and I started my transformation I realized I was living my whole life for what everybody else wanted… thought what do I want! so I started to look into myself I lost over 100 pounds I change my whole entire eating my whole entire day-to-day, went back to school for my BA, look into who I was and what really turns me on and I found it was women! I love women I love the way we smell…I love the way we taste…I love everything about us no matter how you identify as I still love kinky sex! I love to be tied up…I love to be flogged… I love to be told what I’m going to do in a pleasurable way but you know that leave me back to what I first started with
Do I love sex because I have a sex addiction or is it because I’ve been groomed my whole life only enjoy sex?
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